February 2012
11 posts
Dear Coke Talk: On sex and healing. →
dearcoketalk:
Dear Coquette,
So, I’m 22 years old and I finally lost my virginity last weekend. I’m not dating the guy, but we have been seeing each other for a few months. I was raised to believe your virginity is a gift that should be saved until marriage, and my parents even gave me a purity ring,…
This is some pretty powerful shit, guys.
I could be better, I think.
Sometimes I just don’t know how to not blame myself.
I am still so, so sad sometimes. I don’t know how it will go away. Or how to keep living with it.
January 2012
11 posts
7 tags
I was too polite
to scream during my rape
lyingthere:
sometimes it just feels like I don’t have the right to be so fucked up about this
Anonymous asked: Did you press charges against your rapist?
then again, maybe I just have to be okay with not being the same person anymore
8 tags
how do you put the pieces of your life together when some of the pieces have gone missing?
4 tags
I found out last night at that K is going to grad school on the east coast. NOT working at some tech job out west like I thought he was. Which leaves me feeling
1) angry because he’s off jumpstarting his career like nothing ever happened while I’m suffering through finals the hot mess that he left me
2) paranoid that he’s a whole lot closer than I thought he was
3) guilty...
2 tags
I wonder if my rapist remembers I exist
3 tags
terrified to love
4 tags
Met with my therapist today. Opened up about my abusive relationship with my ex. We haven’t even really gotten into the rape that occurred the year before at all yet. But I think she wants to hold off on that until after finals are done, which is probably a good idea. But something about this session has me feeling a little off today. I’m just so sad still, sometimes. I don’t...
December 2011
7 posts
Nearly 1 in 5 Women in U.S. Survey Report [Rape] |... →
mohandasgandhi:
stfurapeculture:
I amended the title up there because it was actually incorrect. One in 5 women in this study reported rape. A far greater number reported sexual assault that did not meet the study’s definition of rape. Actual report is here if anyone wants to check it out. It should also be noted this was a telephone survey that only included people 18 and older. Given the...
3 tags
it is officially the third anniversary of my sexual assault.
today isn’t going very well either.
“I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness,...”
– Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness. (via afterthenight)
Bad night.
November 2011
41 posts
8 tags
This weekend. How should I deal with it? My body can’t ignore it. I just want to slip into sleep until everyone I know is dead. But I have insomnia. I can’t focus. I’m trying so hard to keep it together. To be there for others. To be a good friend. To provide sound advice. To give reassurance and affection. To be supportive.
But I’m just… so tired. Everything is...
3 tags
I think my therapist was trying to make a point about how therapy was going to be helpful and why I should keep going and all that but somehow she just ended up telling me that I’m torturing myself and that I am all alone with my thoughts and feelings and that I’m under an incredible amount of pressure and that I struggle every day and that I’m incredibly alone
and now...
Shitting and Thinking
I’ve been thinking about you all day.
Honestly.
I was taking a shit and still thinking of you.
Taking a shit while thinking of you taking a shit and not thinking about me at all.
I’m shutting down
I skipped all my classes
haven’t left my room
didn’t write my paper
and I don’t give a single fuck
today isn’t real
nothing feels real
and now I have to go to this fucking dinner
and make nice
I was sitting last night with some friends trying to work on this paper and I was stressing out. I haven’t been able to sleep well in weeks and...
1 tag
today just feels like one of those soul-crushing days
sometimes I have nightmares about that night where more stuff happens than what actually happened, and everything is more grotesque and violent. like in the middle of it he cuts off a finger or an ear. I don’t know why but I think maybe I feel guilty about my own experience and I’m trying to justify the way I’ve been feeling for almost three years
you know, I’ve still never said his name out loud
3 tags
people don’t seem to get it. they tell me all these amazing things, about how great I am and what a good person I am and that my abuse and experiences don’t get to define me and that I have loving people that support me and are there for me. I agree. I really do.
except I can’t stop myself from feeling these things, from having these compulsive negative thoughts. I can’t...
3 tags
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